Never Marry a Software Engineer

Wife – would you like to have some snacks?
Husband – hard disk full.

Wife – have you brought the dress.
Husband – Bad command or file name.

Wife – but I told you about it in morning
Husband – erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife – Oh my god! forget it. Where’s your salary?.
Husband – file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife – at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband – sharing violation, access denied.

Wife – I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband – data type mismatch.

Wife – you are useless.
Husband – by default.

Wife – who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband – system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife – what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband – the only user with write permission.

Wife – what is my value in your life?
Husband – unknown virus detected.

Wife – do you love me or your computer?
Husband – Too many parameters.

Wife – I will go to my dad?s house.
Husband – program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife – I will leave you forever.
Husband – close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife – it is worthless talking to you.
Husband – shut down the computer.

Wife – I am going
Husband – Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Filed under: Becandaaa

Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer?

Silicon Valley’s newest game show : Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer?

Hot on the heels of the success of the show, “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire”, welcome to “Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer”.

Here’s your contestant questionnaire …

1. What quality do you value most in your partner?
a) A sense of humor.
b) Emotional maturity.
c) High bandwidth.

2. When you get home at the end of the day, you like to:
a) Turn on the Silicon Valley Business report, and eat dinner.
b) Hook up to your ISP, and check out the hit count on your web page.
c) Recharge your cell phone, laptop, and wireless modem, change batteries on your pager, and synchronize your Palm Pilot and home computer.

3. Your ideal partner is:
a) Interesting and attractive.
b) Emotionally mature and understanding.
c) Extensible and polymorphic.

4. In spiritually difficult times, you often turn to:
a) Dilbert.
b) Kernighan and Ritchie.
c) comp.lang.c++

5. If go over to your partner’s place and think it’s a mess, you would:
a) Complain to him/her, and tell them to tidy up.
b) Call a maid service.
c) make clean

6. What kind of car would you like to buy next, and why?
a) A BMW, because people will see that I am rich and successful.
b) A Jeep, because it’s youthful, rugged, and won’t break down.
c) A Honda, because the engine control computer can be hacked for more horsepower.

7. If your partner comes home from work complaining bitterly about his/her boss, you will:
a) Give a hug, pour a drink, and tell your partner that you love him/her.
b) Commiserate about how unfair managers can be.
c) Forge the boss’s e-mail address, and subscribe him/her to 17 pornography mailing lists.

8. Name the 4 essential food groups:
a) Fruit, vegetables, meat, dairy.
b) Coffee, chocolate, takeout, ice cream.
c) rec.food.cooking, rec.food.veg, ba.food, alt.food.chocolate

9. You like to travel with your partner because:
a) You share new experiences together.
b) You learn about each other in different situations.
c) You get more use out of your wireless modem.

10. How would you describe your attitude towards religion?
a) “I’m not particularly religious.”
b) “I believe in emacs, but can use vi.”
c) “I think emacs can be configured as a full IDE.”

11. You think a relationship is ready for a permanent commitment because:
a) You’ve successfully struggled through several years of good and bad times.
b) You’re already living together, so you might as well tie the knot.
c) You finally got your local network configured just right.

12. If you and your partner got married, you would want to:
a) Keep your last name.
b) Change your last name.
c) Combine your names with a hyphen.
d) Combine your names with an underscore.

13. You and your partner think it’s time to have children when:
a) Your stock options are vested.
b) You’ve agreed on the requirements and design.
c) You’ve come up with a good naming convention.
d) You really understand the use of multiple inheritance

Filed under: Becandaaa

Letter From Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

From : Banta Singh
Subject: Problems with my new computer
To : Mr. Bill Gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice:

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. We request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’; when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘My Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?????

Filed under: Becandaaa